


Innocence and Experience

by Jld71, ShadyB



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 16:04:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jld71/pseuds/Jld71, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadyB/pseuds/ShadyB
Summary: Set between books three and four of The Mortal Instruments, 18 year old Alec tells Magnus Bane about his first sexual experiences three years before with his tutor Hodge.





	Innocence and Experience

Innocence and Experience

                Magnus Bane was extremely (though not unpleasantly) surprised the first time Alec went down on him. 

                Now that the Mortal Wars were over, they’d been officially seeing each other for several weeks, and Magnus had been taking things very, very slowly.  They’d spent many nights locked in each other’s arms, kissing passionately but things had been strictly from the waist up.  Magnus had the idea they might venture further south at some point in the unforeseen future.  The last thing he expected was that Alec would take the initiative, unbuckling his belt and easing his rhinestone studded pink leather pants and green and purple argyle print throng down, taking Magnus’s erection in his mouth and sucking him off with a degree of skill that suggested some familiarity with the process. 

                “That was quite nice,” Magnus said afterward.  “If unexpected.”

                “I know you’ve been giving me the kid glove treatment, but I’m not as inexperienced as you think,” Alec said. 

                “Really?  I must admit I’m rather disappointed, I’d hoped to be the one to induct you into the mysteries of love.  So who beat me too it?  Have you and your Parabatai been up to shenanigans?”

                Alec pale cheeks flushed crimson.

                “No, no Jace would never...   He and I have never done anything like that.” 

                “Who was it then?”

                “If I tell you, you’ll think it was wrong.”

“I promise not to judge you, Alec.”

“I don’t want you to judge him either.”

“I won’t, do tell.”

“About three years ago, when I was fifteen I realized for the first time that I was probably gay…”

*

                When Alec was fifteen, his budding knowledge of his sexuality separated Alec from his family.  He feared that by some word or gesture he would give away his secret and that Izzy or his parents would see through him, guess or sense the truth.  He felt most uncomfortable around Jace, who he sometimes found himself fantasizing about.  What if Jace felt something through their Parabatai bond?  What if he found out?  He’d hate Alec, they’d all hate him.  They’d think he was perverse, unnatural, disgusting. 

                He kept to himself a great deal during that time.  When the family planned to visit Idris he wouldn’t go.  He insisted he couldn’t interrupt his studies and training.  Really he just wanted to be alone, to have a break from the pressures of hiding.

                So it was just he and Hodge alone in the Institute. 

                It was a relief, not to have his parents and siblings around.  He went walking on Christopher Street, watched the same sex couples walking hand in hand, stopping in coffee shops or restaurants, sitting together talking.  They seemed happy, normal, accepted, but they were mortals.  Things were different for the Nephilim.  They had the blood of the angel in their veins.  They were held to a higher standard.

                In the library he was finally able to read a book he’d found several months before without worrying about Max and Izzy looking over his shoulder inquiringly.  It was called _Perversions of the Fey Folk._ It was over 200 years old and detailed the easy bisexuality of the Faerie courts; men with women, men with men, women with women and all possible variations thereof.  He found it all very, very interesting but again, it didn’t apply to him.  Downworlders were comfortable with a level of decadence that would appall any decent Shadowhunter. 

                That night, Hodge made dinner for just the two of them.  It was excellent, chicken roasted with almonds and lemons, a colorful array of vegetables on a soft bed of quinoa, all of it beautifully seasoned with fresh herbs.  Alec wished he cooked more often.  There was also wine, a bottle of cold pinot griot that was dry and crisp and went down so easily that they quickly polished off the bottle.  After the main course there were apples and sharp cheese, and a fresh bottle of wine, this one a light, sweet Riesling, 

                The wine made Alec unusually talkative.  He found himself telling Hodge what he had been reading. 

                “Is it ever for Shadowhunters like it is in the faerie realm?  Where it doesn’t matter to them if the person they’re with is a man or a woman?”  He asked.  Hodge raised an eyebrow.

                “The correct answer,” Hodge said, “what your parents or the Clave would tell you, is no, it’s never like that among Shadowhunters.  That the Nephilim cleave, man to woman, woman to man, like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.  The truth however is that it does happen, and much more frequently than we’d ever admit.  We’re not as different from mortals as we’ve convinced ourselves we are.  Just as there have always been bisexual and homosexual mundanes there have always been bisexual and homosexual Shadowhunters. 

“If you read the old letters and diaries in the archives you’ll find there have been times in history when it was quite commonplace and fairly well-accepted. When I was your age, attitudes were very different than they are now.  Humankind’s sexual revolution and movement towards gay rights actually had an impact on the Nephilim.  It was only after the Mortal Cup disappeared and procreation became the only way to continue our race that homosexuality slipped back into the shadows and became something… unspeakable, almost criminal, among us.   

“I wonder at your interest, Alec. Is it purely academic or on a more personal level?”

                Alec blushed ferociously.  Hodge’s considerable intelligence seemed to have turned on him.  Now the man was looking right into him, seeing all his ill-concealed secrets; seeing them, yet not condemning them.  It scared the hell out of Alec, but also kind of turned him on, knowing it was just the two of them, alone in the institute, so private, so intimate. 

                It was enough to make him tell the truth. 

                “I’m afraid… I think I might… I think I might have feelings.  Feelings that aren’t normal.  Jace and Izzy, they’re both younger than me but they’ve both started dating.  I’ve never really felt anything, never really been interested in girls.  Not the way I am in other guys…I mean another guy?”

                “Sometimes it’s easy to mistake friendship and admiration for something else.” 

                “No, it’s not that.  I want to touch him, see him without his clothes on.  I want to kiss him.  Make him hard.  Make him come…,” the words tumbled out in a rush.  “I feel like if I could make him come, he’d be mine. “

                “I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, Alec.  With men or with women,” Hodge said softly.  He was blushing too.

                “Is there something wrong with me?”

                “No.  You are a brave, intelligent, caring and attractive young man who has the misfortune to be the son of a particularly intolerant man, and to be coming of age at a particularly conservative time in the history of the Nephilim.”  Alec had never known Hodge (or anyone) to speak ill of the way his father spoke disparagingly of homosexuality.  It gave him a sort of thrill, but it wasn’t the main thing he took away from what Hodge had just said. 

                “You think I’m attractive?”  He asked shyly.

                “You really have no idea, do you?  Let me tell you something, Alec, in complete confidence, so you’ll know just how common it is for Shadowhunters to dally with members of the same sex.  When I was about your age, I had a lover; another boy, who was slightly older than me.”

                “You did?”  He was shocked, he always thought of Hodge as an old man, a solitary creature of books and scholarship.  The idea of him being not just young but a sexual being indulging in forbidden love was a little difficult to grasp.  “What was he like?”

                “He was an astounding man,” Hodge said, “the sort of man who comes once in a generation.  He had an intellect like Prometheus’ flame and the beauty of a lily to match.  He was so charismatic.  He couldn’t enter a room without all eyes turning to him, and his passion was so great he would have set fire to the world.”

                “Uh, wow.”

                “I’d worshipped him from afar for several years.  When he first touched me, first kissed me, I couldn’t believe it was real.  Sometimes I still can’t.”  His eyes took on a hazy, faraway look.  “He didn’t love me the way I loved him.  I knew that.  He had other lovers, both male and female.  You see he was driven to bind people to him as closely as he could.  Love and sex were some of the tools he used and he used them well.  He owned me.  I was his.  ‘Being your slave what should I do but tend, upon the hours, and times of your desire?’”

                “That’s from Shakespeare isn’t it, one of his Sonnets?”

                “You’re correct, it’s Sonnet 57.  Very good, you’ve paid attention.”

                A lesson, but Alec wanted a lesson, but in something other than literature. 

                “What did you do together?”  He asked, shocking himself with his own boldness.  “What did you do sexually?”

                “How did we make love?  I shouldn’t answer that, but I think you should know.  For all that you were turned out to fight monsters at a tender age, you’ve been so sheltered.  He was someone who needed to control others, he always dictated the terms.  He always decided when and where our encounters would occur.  Hunting, fighting aroused him, made his blood sing.  Killing a demon or clearing out a ~~of~~ nest of vampires was his idea of foreplay.  Afterwards was when he’d want me the most, shove me against a wall; kiss me so hard he bruised my lips.  Sometimes he’d push me to my knees, have me take him in my mouth.  Sometimes he’d turn me around, bend me over, take down my pants and take me against that wall or a tree or over a desk or a piano or whatever was nearby.  Those times were always fast and hard, if one of us was wounded and bleeding all the better.  Or we would take off our clothes, sprawl on the ground or a bed, my legs over his shoulders as he thrust into me.

                “It was always him inside of me.  He never let me inside him.  And he could be cruel.  He liked to mark me.  Leave bruises with his mouth and fingers.  He liked to go deeper then I was comfortable with into my mouth or my body.  Like hunting, like killing it made it better for him.” 

                “He doesn’t sound like he was very nice,” Alec ventured.

                “He wasn’t nice.  He was great, a truly great man.”

                “What happened?  How did you… break-up?”

                “He wanted to rebuild the world and that required a new generation.  When he was nineteen he decided to marry.  There was one person he truly loved, one among all his lovers, and he married her.  He stayed true to her.  He…” Hodge stopped for a moment, covered his eyes.  Alec wondered if he was tearing up.  “He had me married as well.  I was eighteen.  The girl believed as he did and so did I, so he put us together.  She was lovely, from a wealthy family.  He gave her to me as a prize because I was loyal and so close to him.  She considered me unworthy of her.  She was insulted to have been paired with a homely boy from a poor family.  And I still loved him. She did her duty and I did mine, but neither of us was ever happy with the match.”

                “Where is she now?”  Alec asked.  He’d never heard a hint that Hodge had once been married. 

                “She was if nothing else, a woman of principle.  She married for what she believed in and then she died fighting for it.  We were together less than three months.  Not long after I came here, to the Institute, with your parents.” 

                “Has there been anyone since then?”

                “No,” Hodge said and laughed with an edge of bitterness.  “Who would there be?”

                Alec found himself engulfed by a wave of sadness that this man should spend so many years (all the years of his own life) so alone. 

                “I’m sorry,” he said and put his hand on Hodges.  The older man looked up, looked into his eyes.

                “Your kind,” he said gripping the boy’s hand.  It sent a strange electric shock through Alec. 

                “How old are you now?”  Alec asked.

                “Thirty-six,” Hodge said.  Despite the streak of gray in his hair he wasn’t old at all.  He would have been just twenty-two when he was confined in the Institute. 

                “Would you kiss me?”  Alec asked.  “Would you show me what it’s like to be kissed by a man?”

                Still clasping Alec’s hand, Hodge rose from his chair.  Standing over the boy, he tilted Alec’s chin upward and bending down kissed him just once, softly and deeply on the mouth. 

                “By the angel you’re sweet,” he whispered and sat down once more.  Then after a moment of silence and stillness he pulled Alec over unto his lap and kissed him again, this time a lingering kiss that melted into another and another.  His hand slipped under Alec’s t-shirt, moving over the smooth muscles of his back.

 

Alec felt weak, like he was about to pass out. He flung his arms around Hodge’s neck and clung tight.  There was a yearning; a desire in his body that was so strong he could hardly breathe.  His heart seemed to pound in his groin.  He wanted nothing more than to be touched there.  He could feel Hodge’s erection underneath him and wanted to get closer.  He threw his leg over Hodge’s lap so he was straddling the man, rubbing against him.

                “Please,” he gasped, having no idea what he wanted.  “Please.”

                Hodge got to his feet, bringing Alec with him.  Still kissing, still holding each other they navigated the corridors to Hodge’s rooms.  Alec had never been there before.  It was stark, nearly monastic but for the abundance of books.  Hodge fell back on the narrow bed, drawing Alec down on top of him. 

                “Do what you like with me,” Hodge whispered. 

                Hands trembling Alec undressed him.  Naked, Hodge was painfully lean.  His body was chalky pale form confinement inside the Institute, marked by scars and runes.  Alec noticed his faded marriage runes and the starburst of puckering pink and white scar tissue that marred his shoulder but he cared most about the erection that lay against the hollow of his belly.  He ran his fingers through the coarse hair around it, touched it.  It was both hard and soft, blue veins showing through the flesh.  It beat like a heart in his hand.  Up close, he saw that Hodge’s penis and testicles were also marked with runes, marks that were unfamiliar to him. 

                “I don’t recognize them,” he said.  “What are they for?” 

                “They’re secret runes, known only by the Silent Brothers.  They ensure that I will never father a child, that my line will end with me.”

                “Why?”

                “It doesn’t matter, please don’t ask.  Just touch me.”

                Alec did.  Hodge moaned as the boy caressed him, stroking his erection, kissing it, finally taking it in his mouth.  He was clumsy, inexperienced, but Hodge made no move to correct him.  He only grasped the iron slats of the bedstead above his head with both hands and let the boy find his way.  It took some time, but Alec fell into a rhythm guided by Hodges responses, to his moans and to the movement of his hips.  He was amazed and gratified when Hodge jerked upwards against him filling his mouth with warm fluid before going limp underneath him. 

                “You angel,” he groaned, pulling Alec to him.  “You sweet, sweet angel.”  His hands cradled Alec between his legs where he was hard.  “Let me finish you.”

                Together they pulled Alec’s clothes off and Hodge spooned against his back, reaching around to grasp his hard-on with both hands.  Firmly but tenderly, kissing Alec’s neck he stroked him, bringing him to climax.  That night they slept wrapped up in each other.  The next few days passed in a sensual haze.  Alec was eager and Hodge, he was hungry, even starving for human touch.  Still, Hodge did draw certain boundaries; he absolutely refused to fuck Alec or to let Alec fuck him.

                “I would dearly love to be inside you,” he said.  “But you’re too young.  I’ve already gone too far with you.  I have to draw the line somewhere.”   

                When the Lightwoods and Jace returned from Idris they stopped completely.  Both of them were cautious, bordering on paranoid.  Both of them had everything to lose if they were found out.  Still, when opportunity presented itself and they were alone together in the institute they were once again all over each other.

                Three months after their initial encounter, the Lightwoods were once again called to Idris to follow up the business that had brought them there the first time.  Once again, Alec declined to go.  He and Hodge spent the first two days of their absence in bed together, so absorbed with each other they forgot to eat.  Then on the second night everything went wrong.

                They were sleeping in Alec’s room, which was much more comfortable than Hodge’s.  Alec was on top of Hodge, whose arms and legs were wrapped around him.  It was a warm night and the bedcovers had been thrown aside.  Suddenly at about two in the morning they were jolted out of sleep by the sound of Isabelle yelling (Isabelle was thirteen that year and did a great deal of yelling, usually at or about her mother).  Before they could separate, the door flew open.

                “She’s trying to run my life, I can’t take it anymore so I came home,” Isabella hollered.  “Just because I wanted to go out with David Sweetbriar instead of going with her to the stupid…”  Then she realized what she was looking at and screamed-- just screamed, a primal, wordless shriek—before she turned and ran. 

                Alec leapt off of Hodge and out of bed, tearing after her.  He finally caught up to her in the greenhouse, managing to grab her arm and stop her.

                “Isabelle, Izzy, stop.  Please, stop, let me explain…” he pleaded.

                “You were in bed with Hodge,” Isabelle yelled.  “You were both naked.  That doesn’t need explaining.”

                “Don’t tell mom and dad.  Please don’t tell mom and dad.”

                “What are you doing Alec?  It’s Hodge.  It’s freaky.  He’s like our weird older uncle.  You’re only fifteen and he’s like forty.”

                “How many hundreds of years old is that faerie you’ve been seeing?”  

                “That’s not the same.  Faeries aren’t like humans; they don’t age or mature like us.  They look eighteen and act like bad kids even if they’re five hundred.  Besides, all we’ve done is kiss a couple times.  He’s not naked in my bed in the middle of the night.”

Her eyes narrowed and grew dark with anger.

“How long has this been going on, Alec?” She demanded.  “How long have you been doing sex stuff with him?  How old were you when it started?  Was it his idea?”

“No, I swear, it isn’t like that. He hadn’t been molesting me or anything like that.  It just sort of happened, a few months ago, the last time everybody was away.  I was as much responsible as he was.  He didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to.”  

“Your fifteen, you don’t get to make those decisions.”

“You’re thirteen,” he shot back. “And you fight with mom all the time about how you should be able to control your own life.  I’ve heard you.  ‘If I can go out and hunt demons and die why can’t I pick who I go out with?’  You said that to her a couple of weeks ago.  Are you saying the same thing doesn’t apply to me?”

Isabella groaned.

“I can’t handle this, Alec. I’m tired and shocked and freaked out and you’re naked.  Seriously, you need to put some pants on right now.  I can’t talk to you when your dick is hanging out.”

                After several hours of arguing, cajoling and outright begging, Alec managed to persuade his sister to keep his secret.  Isabelle swore by the Angel that she’d never tell anyone what she’d seen, but she only agreed on the condition that Alec promise to end his involvement with Hodge, at least till he was an adult. 

                So that was that. 

The only noticeable consequence was Isabelle’s behavior. For several months she was disdainful of Hodge, refusing to do her lessons or respect his authority.  Still, when she was satisfied that things between he and her brother were indeed over she calmed down.  No one involved ever again mentioned what had happened.  Hodge returned to his life of isolated scholarship and Alec’s sexuality once more became a solitary secret thing.

*

                “I didn’t realize until a lot later that this male lover, the one Hodge was so captivated by, must have been Valentine,” Alec told Magnus.  “What he did, how he betrayed us, it was wrong but I understand why he did it.  He was so alone.  What he had with Valentine was the only love he’d ever known.  Maybe if I’d given him something, it would have made a difference.” 

                “You were a child,” Magnus said.  “There were things you didn’t know.  It wasn’t your responsibility.  He was your parents’ brothers in arms and they abandoned him.  They might have lived alongside him, but they abandoned him.  They took their lesser punishments and let him turn into a shadow on their watch.  They should have taken care of him or at least noticed what he had become and protected you from him.” 

                “Please, don’t condemn him.  He never took advantage of me…”

                “You’re kind Alec, you care deeply, but he did you a disservice.  Being with him was just one more secret for you to keep, one more thing you had to be ashamed of.  If he wanted to be with you, he should have had the courage to do it openly, to support your choices.  Where was he when you were on your hands and knees begging your sister not to tell?”

“I don’t know… I… he wasn’t there… it was on me…”

“I might respect him if he’d had the courage of his convictions, but based on his actions I can only pity him.  And you, if I treat your with kid gloves it’s because that’s what you deserve.  I want to show you that loving who you love is nothing to be ashamed of.  Will you come away with me?  Let me take you to Europe, let me show you what love can be.”

“Yes,” Alec gasped. “Of course, but won’t you tell me about you?  About your first and your last and your mistakes and the times it was real…”

Magnus kissed him.

“That doesn’t matter,” he said. “It’s ancient history.  All that matters is that I have you now.”

“You’re a Warlock,” Alec said. “You’re centuries old.  There must have been others.  They’re part of you, like Hodge is a part of me...”   Magnus cut him off, pressing him down on the couch, kissing his breath away. 

“There’s no one but you and me,” he whispered. “You’re mine, only mine.  Don’t you want me to be yours?”

“I do, but…”

Magnus’ eyes glowed.

“Quiet little Shadowhunter. Trust that I know what’s best.”

Alec whimpered and melted beneath him, arms and legs wrapping around Magnus, lips parted waiting for his kiss.

“I do…” he gasped. “Oh I do…”

 


End file.
